Sep 2007
For the Longest Time
I have not posted in a long time. The main reason is working at Maranatha is taking a huge toll on me. It is really hard. I feel discouraged most of the time because my students don’t seem to understand what I am trying to teach them. But the really hard thing has been my faith. I feel like I have lost it. I’m not exactly sure what I mean by that, but I know that I am going through some pretty significant stages of doubt.
I wonder if this isn’t part of death that we all experience. We have to die, both physically, but in many other ways. Jesus tells us to die daily. Is part of that death include how I view the world, the death of my epistemology, my certainty. If so, I hope beyond hope for resurrection. That is the promise right? That we will be resurrected.
I was reminded in conversation last night of Colin Brown’s writing. He points out that we treat miracles like they are the answer to our hurt. We expect God to heal us miraculously so that we are whole. His point is that we are not going to be whole in this life. That is not part of the promise from God. The promise is that we will be whole in the next life, whatever that looks like. So, although I don’t feel like I can say that I have faith right now, I do have hope. I hope that those things in which I have had faith in are true and willl come to pass.
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